|
| what i ate today:
brunch: salad with avocados, red/green bell peppers, alfalfa, walnuts, mushrooms, spring greens
dinner: grits with potato, garlic, cheese, hot sauce
snack: 2 pieces of wheat bread with maple syrup
peanuts.
o.k.
one of these things gave me hives. its on my arms, foot, chest, and face. which one of you mofos did it?
last time i had hives, i ate fake chicken that had gluten in it.
please dont tell me its the wheat bread. if i cant eat wheat bread, i;ll stab myself with a wooden no.2 pencil.
plan for tomorrow: eat nothing but wheat bread. and maybe ramen. if i get hives again, i'll know its the wheat since i am immune to ramen.
ps, i suggest you go my garden website. ive managed to tie in star trek with plants.
| | |
| there is no insomnia part 11. or 10, or 9, or 8 or so on.
its getting so bad i started taking sleeping pills.
i have headaches and im so irratible because i can't sleep.
the only thing i think about when im wide awake at 4 in the morning is a room full of metronomes each at different intervals.
i've got a good setup at my apt. i have a couch next to the windows with a perfect view of downtown. my laptop is now geared with wifi, which allows me a nice panaorama while typing.
its 4 in the morning and this is when the trains roll by. the windows are misty, and its foggy and they're open and its nice.
| | |
| i dont understand the kids 5 years younger than me. they do something to make fun of something, yet they do it seriously on the pretenses that they know they're not what they're portraying. they dont remember what they're making fun of, therefore forgetting their ideas of what they should be, and they dont care.
they say things that are hurtful to their own friends, and because they don't take their remarks seriously, they dont understand that their friends will get hurt, but since they dont care, they're just being funny and witty. and their friends dont care. they laugh.
i spent the night with a couple of these kids and i could not believe the way they talk.
is this a generation who reads sex, drugs, and coccoa puffs and nothing more? maybe some palanuik if they're lucky?
they go see a band, granted a very good band, and just let loose, dancing with abandon, jumping in the air. having fun for fun's sake. fun time happy explosion.
they just want to have fun. they understand that life is meaningless and short. why waste it? but there's something so unsettling to me about their ephemeral nihilism.
am i out of the loop? am i the odd one out? am i not seeing life as its supposed to be? short and meaningless?
| | |
| when analyzing someone's dreams, it's best to get the information right after the subject wakes.
because the dreams come from the subconscious, one has to interpret according to to following
1) the subject's wants and needs
2) the subject's personality
3) and most importantly, the subject's relation to you.
a)this includes how the subject views you,
b)what the subject wants from you
c)the past personal history between you
when you hear about someone's dream, you must remember that the subject is not to be trusted. when there are personal feelings regarding the relationship of you and your subject, the subject will lie, omit, and modify his dream. this is a relatively easy process since the subject also experiences guilt, fear, rejection, and potential hurting of the analyzer. because dreams are non-linear and very erratic, a dreamer is easily able to mold his memory of the dream and sway the concepts to his own advantage. we all know, the easiest person to lie to is yourself. when there is a desire to believe, "truth" can be ever shifting like wet sand.
there is one more thing that must be taken into account. This being when taking into account a third party.
I) what is your relationship to the narrator
II) who the narrator is
III) the point of view of the narrator within the anecdote
IV( can this narrator be trusted?
my personality has been split between 3 different beings. the first is the "normal" self. this one decides to go use the restroom, never to return, and to be dropped off the pages of this fictional story. this self is the companion. the ever-steady friend in which there are no feelings of doubt, illness, resentment, or pity. The regular and everyday; the happy, the boring, the steady.
my second self has placed herself between the first and the subject. This is not my-self, this is the self that has been appointed by the subject. This is the non-me, and at the same time the I. This character is a very- attractive-not-I, who has been watching for the disappearance of the first self to make her exit so she can molest the subject. The subject claims unwant, however the fact of the attractivness must be taken into account. This is the want to the subject- a sexually charged strong individual who is ignoring the subjects attempts to free himself. These attempts must be either guilt on part of the subject, or some omittance of information.
The second self, not I, is vaguely my likeness, although in waking state the subject refuses a verbal conscious connection between waking life I and not I. Also make note the subject makes the contrast between the sexually-charged-immensely-attractive-not-I and waking-life-I very clear.
After attempts to disengage second self not I, subject notices a third I. The third I is distant, cold, and detached from the entire scenario. Third I does not recognise any of the characters and does not pay attention. Third I does not even know what is going on, and believes there is a different meaning to the dream. In fact, third I thinks the dream belongs to a completely different person all together.
This frightens the subject, for reasons unknown to me, perhaps guilt? discomfort? maybe the subject even hopes (and makes come true) that third I is oblivious and thus does not care. But the subject needs to make sure. The subject must stand up, finally defeating the undefeatable second self (doing the impossible creates meanings anew) and challenges third I's oblivion. Third I does not take the bait and before trying too hard, the dream sequence depixelates into a fade out.
| | |
| mosquitos.
a mosquito decided to bite me in the eye last night. another one decided the same thing to the other eye. right now, both eyes are swollen to the point of two water balloons with slits in the middle. i can't see anything! and i look like a crazy person!
who the fuck bites someone in the eye!?
| | |
|
